Welcome… To The Miller Report
In 2015 something wonderful occurred: Me. While I’ve existed and been responsible for ‘the truth’ far longer than that, this is when I truly came to dominance and the world accepted that I was the Hero Of Men. Or HOM as it shall now be known… This means if you see me in the street you bow down and say ‘Greetings HOM’. Before I throw you to one side in disgust.
Because of this, I have launched TheMillerReport.co.uk alongside my own Patreon. Why? The answer is simple. The shackles of the 9-5 aren’t for everyone. Some eagles need to fly free, and I am such an eagle. A powerful bird with no hair on its head that seeks its prey with venom and honesty. Obviously an eagle can’t launch a crowdfunding project, but rest assured if it could, it would, so my analogy is near perfect.
Furthermore, you’d support this winged beast and don’t pretend you wouldn’t! You’d be all over its reward tiers. Who wouldn’t want to spend $5 to get access to an eagle’s monthly livestreams? The creature doesn’t even have hands! How the hell would it do it? Fascinating.
Anyway… I needed an outlet for the genius that I possess, and I thought what better way than ‘the internet’. Although it’s full of nerds, it’s the best way to send a message, and I have quite the chuffing message to send.
That’s why you can keep up-to-date with all things ‘Miller’ here, be that my videos, articles, reviews or my general musings. And believe you me, I muse, and I muse hard.
So if you understand the score and therefore realise the truth, do what you know is right and throw money at my masculine face. You won’t regret it, and if you do, it’s because you screwed up… like you always do. You’re an embarrassment and, frankly, you should be ashamed. Now go get in the gym and do some bicep curls ASAP to cleanse your pallet and ease your soul. Poindexter!
I am Simon ‘The Miller Report’ Miller. And welcome to a new dawn. A new era. A new… hope. And I’m not talking about Star Wars, geek. So if Star Wars even popped into your head go and hurl yourself into the nearest wall. I mean, what even is Chewbacca? He looks like a beard that somehow grew legs. Now away with you!